So I resigned my post as coordinator for Queers & Allies today. I feel like a million pounds has been taken off my shoulders. Those who would seek to find an organization that is an exclusive group for queer students without representing allies, transgendered, or any other person will not find me a part of that group. Needless to say, my activism will continue with what I believe to be a more mature, professional organization rather than a bunch of whiny, screaming, protesting students. I will work with an organization that actually has a place at the table rather than screaming outside the doors of the meeting. Anyhoo, that's over with and I don't have one regret about my decision. I'm starting to get nervous about grad schools. I haven't heard back from any of them yet, which I guess is a good sign. It means they're still looking at my application. Not much new to report today... sitting in a lab right now working on finishing up some papers before dead week begins. Fucking quarter system. I can't complain, at least I'm almost outa here. I can't wait for ASPSU elections to be over, then I can get back to the gym and start focusing on myself and my studies again. Not that it's all about me, but sometimes it's nice not to feel gross because you haven't gone running in two weeks. Exercise is addictive, and I am an addict. Thank god it's not my life though, I'd go crazy. Anyways, I'm off to finish writing papers that were due last Friday. Wish me luck... House music, a granola bar (I know, totally dirty-hippy style Portland), and a stack-o-books. I'm out.
safe space and enchilada's
So, as I've outlined before, people still suck. And not in the fun exciting way that happens in the dark after a few beers. No no no, I mean they suck in the most whole-hearted sense of the word. This whole notion of "space space" really irks me. The idea that people have to feel comfortable all the time to discuss sensitive issues is such bullshit. By the way, the enchilada's for lunch are the bomb. But anyways. We don't solve problems by sensitively tip-toeing around them. We solve issues by walking steadfastly through them. UGH... more to follow
talkin about a revolution
Today was a hell of a day. 4 hours of sleep, a 14 hour day in the office/class, and now finally back at home. It seems like all I do any more is sleep and shower when I'm at home. People during this election (ASPSU) are totally pissing me off. Beside being generally asinine, some candidates love to challenge process, and (as I've convinced myself), attempt to try my patience. Why are people so ridiculous? This is college, for god's sake, I thought people were supposed to develop critical thinking skills? Anyways, can't control 'em, not gonna think about 'em. Walking home from the office tonight I was waiting at a crosswalk when I saw a beige Volvo turn the corner. It was an older Volvo, the kind an hold hippy from Portland would drive. As it slowly turned the corner, carefully avoiding pedestrians, I noticed that it had a Kerry/Edwards sticker. My immediate thought was "good people." As I conitnued to wait for the little white man to light up signalling it was my turrn to walk, I noticed the same beige Volvo had a "No on 36" sticker. It was comforting to see. After the election so many people took down their signs and scrubbed their stickers off. It was a sign of defeat. The radical right had not only deated a ballot measure, but many thought they had defeated our hope. It's almost been a year (March 3) since Multnomah County started issuing marriage licenses. While I continue with hope, I can't help but feel the pangs of defeat. In my mind, but more importantly the defeat in my heart. Perhaps the right is correct, they have defeated my hope. More importantly, though, they have yet to defeat my struggle. Hope is a fleeting dream that is destined for despair when it isn't acheived. Struggle, however, is where the heart of life beats the loudest. Struggle is the impetus for change, it is what brings common people together to work for common causes. I think it's interesting how people can see the good and the evil in struggle. As for the pope, I read today that he refers to gay marriage as part of a "new ideology of evil." Interesting to see that a figure in whom so many find hope focuses so loudly on the evil. What hope can there be if it is destined for evil ends? Call me a naysayer and I'll agree, I am. Whole-heartedly, without second-thought. I say it is not part of a new ideology of evil. I say that is part of a broader struggle to overcome the machinations of cultural development that have manifest themselves in the form of societal structures. Work, work, work. There's always more to be done. Maybe I'm talkin about a revolution...
smeared black ink
Sitting here listening to The Postal Service. Got a call tonight from Mom and Dad down in Phoenix, Grandpa is in the hospital: severely dehydrated and ill. I didn't realize how important my family was until today. Well, that's not true. It's one of those things you always know, but you are seldom reminded of. Sort of like the foundation of oppression being racism. Seldom are we reminded of it, but it's always there. I'm so ready to graduate right now... so ready to move on, help change the world. No matter what happens to me I never lose sight of that goal. I don't really know what I feel right now. I have this crazy emotional obsession 3500 miles away that I'll probably only see once or twice again in my life, but I still can't shake it. Life works in funny ways, mais non? I have become acutely aware of this paradox of feelings in my head and my heart. Not knowing where I'll be in six months, what I'll be doing, and still I'm okay with that. I always say that life is the thing that happens in the meantime. I guess I'm living. Comforting, but disconcerting. How can I be so comforted with my life when I know so many others are out there suffering in theirs? I'm not really sure if I do enough to fight the hate in the world, and everything that it brings along. Back to my other entry for today regarding identity. I don't know how people create discreet lists of their identities. I sit here and try to think of all mine and it seems mind-blowing. Beyond that, why limit yourself? It seems so ridiculous. When we limit ourselves, we not only limit our possibilities but the possibilities of others, too. It is not enough to speak the language of possibility, we must live it. It must be a holistic process that informs our minds, affects our hearts, and nourishes our souls. Maybe I'm just rambling and it makes no sense. But it feels good to get it all out. I haven't written in a while, until I was reminded that I have a blog by said person 3500 miles away. Thanks Zack. Maybe I'm needy, maybe I care, I'm not sure where that line is drawn. But I miss you. It might sound silly, but what the hell. What is life if you wait for the end without paying attention to the means? Paying attention to the meantime is what it's all about. So fuck it. Fuck it all. I haven't been able to stop thinking about that week back in October when you were here. I guess it's always good to have sweet memories, that way when you have nightmares you have something to comfort you.
sunset soon forgotten
so, today i recieved an email from someone that i thought had forgotten about me... the sun may set for the moment, but it's nice to hear from someone you care about. today started great, then took a downward turn when i came back to campus from the gym. elections violations were filed for the first time today. what a pain in my ass. why are people so creative when it comes to fucking things up, but not when it comes to doing good work? i've been really challenged recently when it comes to what effective leadership looks like. the politicizing of identity is a modern phenomenon that has yet to be explored in the arena of today's body politic. it has been a strategy of the right to "divide and conquer" minority population by segregating identities into discreet categories that are identifiable in singular terms. i take great issue with the concept of identity as discreet. i am a white, gay, 22 year old, male, college student. these are the simple facts of a socially constructed reality that affects us all. beyond that reality, which through common understanding and agreement becomes objetive, the subjective experience of intertwined identities becomes salient and cohesive. i've recently begun a journey of understanding how my identities intersect, multiply, and influence each other. anyways, i have to go be a student leader now. ugh, wish it would end. i just want to come home to someone that's smart and cares and is cute at the end of the night.... i'm gonna go listen to the postal service before the meeting.
